Often when we are children we have crazy, wonderful dreams about what we want to be when we "grow up". Many little boys dream of growing up and being a firefighter or policeman or a ninja. And many little girls often dream of growing up and being a princess, until they reach the age that they realize they can't just grow into a princess, and they begin dreaming of being a nurse or a teacher or an actress or a singer. I remember dreaming of lots of different things. At one point I wanted to grow up and be a fighter pilot, and a few years later I wanted to be a singer or an actress. As I continued to age and mature, my dreams of being "grown up" shifted and changed, but deep within me there was a desire to be loved, to sing, and to somehow be a princess, captivating the heart of my prince.
Even at 20 years old, those dreams are still real within me, but I've found out who really loves me, I've found my place singing, and I know that I will forever be a princess to the King of Kings, my Jesus. It can be difficult to let go of dreams, or to see your dreams blow away in the wind. One thing that God has continued to show me and speak to me about, and that has been confirmed me through others several times in the last year, has been to hold on to my dream of music.
Last summer, I was at a youth service at another church, and was watching a young gal lead worship, I turned to the person next me and said, "that's going to be me someday. I'm going lead worship, and write my own songs too, just like her!" The other person looked at me, and politely said, "Good luck with that.", trying not to sound too condescending. I tried not to feel discouraged, and made a decision in my mind to hold on to that dream. Later that night, one of the youth leaders came to me with an encouraging word from God, saying that whatever dream it was that was being challenged in me, hold on to it. He said, "I don't know what it is that you need to hold onto, but don't let it go. Keep pursuing it, you know what it is." My hope was renewed, and my heart lifted. I'm still pursuing my dream of singing, and have been realizing that I'm created to worship, and the weapon in my hands that I give back to God is my voice. I will use it to fight for His glory, that all men may know of His marvelous love through my adoration and praise of Him.
I've come to learn (and appreciate) how much my parents and family love me. I know that even when I make poor decision, and don't always live as I should, they still love me, and will go to lengths to help me back on the right track. I know that when they talk to me about how I can do better, it's because they truly love me. I've also learned how the Lord loves me, and delights in who I am, me and my imperfections. He is in passionate pursuit of me, and He, too, goes to great lengths to show me how much He loves me, how much He desires intimacy with me, and how precious I am to Him.
I will always be a princess that captivates that the heart of the King of Kings, and one day I hope to blessed with my prince, who will also find delight in me, and I in him. But until that day, I know my identity, security, self-worth, future, and my dreams lie in the hands of the Almighty God, my lover, both now and forever.
Looking back on my childhood, and the dreams I had as a little girl, I see how God placed certain things inside of me that would carry into my future - like how I used to use a hair brush as a microphone and belt out songs in front of the mirror. I don't know if I'll ever be "grown up", but I think I will always dream. And I'm trusting God to guide me to the fulfillment of my dreams.